All great leaders striving for success need to know these four practical insights.
- Create a strong identity
- seek connection and feedback
- let go of what is holding you back (even if it used to be an asset) and
- become conversationally intelligent
Some leaders who engage me as a coach have great intentions to deliver big results yet are failing to have the impact they desire and the recognition they deserve. Having learnt from globally celebrated Executive Coaches, Marshal Goldsmith and Judith E. Glaser, I work with Leaders to create a clear identify and increase their ability to connect, build trust and ensure others recognise their talents and strengths.
Successful leaders demonstrate:
- Clarity in knowing and expressing who they are
- Excellent conversational intelligence; building trust and relationship even in challenging situations.
- Openness to giving and receiving feedback and exploring solutions with others to co-create new ways forward
- Humility, commitment and courage
- Candid dialogue balanced with care and empathy for others.
Create a strong identity
Having clarity in who you are and what you stand for creates a strong identity and equals having a strong “voice” that is heard. This generates certainty for others and a perception of a talented, high impact leader.
Our identity (or personal brand) is both how we see ourselves and how we desire to be seen by others. It requires on-going conversation and attention. It requires genuine interest in the views of others. Actively seeking valuable feedback and asking “how am I doing from where your sitting” is the key to understanding how we are being perceived.
Ensuring personal clarity around our identity creates a stronger more authentic and influential voice. Yet many people fail to see how their identity may potentially be negatively affecting those around them. In fact they may be unaware of a large gap between how they desire to be seen and how they are actually seen by others. Remaining aware and shifting our intention can ensure that we can be strong in who we are and have the leadership impact that we desire.
Seek connection and feedback
Great leaders want to discover what the world looks like to others around them and they articulately share their own ideas, views and beliefs. Perceptions are critical as we all see the world differently.
Knowing how to connect and share with others especially if their views are different to our own is vital for creating opportunities for mutual success. Finding out what is important to another person is critical to ensure our communication remains relevant to the things they value.
Let go of what is holding you back (even if it used to be an asset)
Marshal Goldsmith talks about the reasons why successful leaders fail to be promoted. A key factor is that many successful leaders fail to recognise the things they say and do that may have served them well in getting to where they are now but no longer have a valid purpose and in fact may become barriers to their continued success. Without feedback from others they will remain oblivious and wonder why they are being overlooked.
An example here is a Finance Manager I coached who prided himself in being very upfront and definite in decision-making and standing up strongly for what he thought was best for the business. He did not realise that his staff had a perception he was dictatorial, unapproachable and too confrontational and they were too afraid to tell him. Once he did receive this feedback he did not like the way he was being perceived and he changed his intention and behaviours. He committed to being more inclusive and open to hearing others views and opinions instead of unilaterally telling everyone what was going to happen.
He actively took steps to be less confrontational and more inclusive in involving others when he perceived a problem was brewing. It took time, commitment to the process and some humility to change many people’s perceptions yet he began to enjoy better relationships and he felt more supported in difficult situations.
How open we are to other’s perceptions will determine how open we are to receiving feedback. Judith E. Glaser knows many people have a default belief that feedback will be critical and painful to hear. She says that with such a view we generally withdraw into protective behaviours and are not open to hearing and we miss out on what the other person has to offer. This is one of the reasons traditional performance appraisal meetings often go so badly and can result in a deteriorating relationship.
Become conversationally intelligent
So if we are seeking to receive candid feedback from others we need to change this “bad news“ mindset and create a space that builds trust and a move away from protective behaviours towards open sharing and discovery. In order to grow in ourselves we need to take some risks and try new things to demonstrate trust and partnership with the key people around us.
To build these deeper relationships we need to be able to:
- Create a warm environment that feels safe for others
- We need to be interested in their views and open to how they see the world
- Be able to share our views and beliefs with clarity yet remain free of judgement and criticism in hearing the perspectives of others
- Understand how we can build rapport and what we may be doing that creates distrust and fear in others
These are a few of the principles of Conversational Intelligence, a framework developed by Judith E. Glaser which helps us to share and discover with others and create more transformative conversations that can change our lives. It provides an insight into the neuroscience of conversations.
Some key tips from Conversational intelligence (C-IQ) for understanding how others see you and helping them to understand you better include:
- Remember we all see the world differently – don’t assume you understand someone else’s perspective – check it out with smart questions such as “what does that look like from where you sit?”
- Listen, to connect with the other person
- Acknowledge areas where you agree
- Don’t automatically argue, criticise or justify your position where you don’t agree
- Keep asking questions to maintain dialogue, rather than focusing on areas of disagreement which ultimately leads to protective behaviours and shuts down the connection.
A word on self-promotion….
It is important to be ready to express your achievements to others with clarity and humility – reflecting from time-to-time on achievements that you are proud of – and keeping a written record can be really useful. This positive and proactive approach will put you in a mindset to take opportunities as they arise to share and connect with others. It will be a great asset when you find a promotional opportunity and need to update your resume, write an application and prepare for the interview.
Having better conversations and deeper relationships helps us to engage, take action and deliver what we intend with an impact that will be recognised by others.
Being articulate helps others to recognise what you have to offer and your openness in conversation will engender connection and intimacy. Yes, we do need to advocate on our own behalf – but with stronger relationships with others who recognise your talent, you will have stronger advocates for you, even when you are not present.
If you want to find out more about improving your conversational intelligence register for a free 45 minute webinar “Turn Intention into high Leadership Impact – Better relationships and results for you and your team”
When: Thursday 9 March, 2017 at 4.00pm Australian Central Daylight Time.
You will discover:
- The impact of neurochemistry on your conversations
- Why you may not be saying what you think you are saying
- Strategies to build trust when talking to others
- The vital components of a transformative conversation
- How increasing your C-IQ turns your intention into high leadership impact.
You will take away one of the C-IQ tools that you can start using immediately to turn a challenging conversation into a vital conversation. To register for the session click here
Interested but cannot attend the session email robert@icoachsolutions.com and we will let you know when the webinar is being held again.
Robert Stocks is a “Certified C-IQ Coach” having completed a year-long program with Judith E. Glaser* and her team.
Robert has been Consulting, Training and Coaching with C-IQ expertise and working with leaders in organisations such as The Australian Broadcasting Corporation.
*Judith E. Glaser and the CreatingWE ® Institute are the source of the Conversational Intelligence® materials and framework. Judith E. Glaser is a renowned business strategist and sought after author and speaker. The C-IQ framework is being recognised globally as a leading business transformation approach.
More information is available about Conversational Intelligence at www.icoachsolutions.com
Robert Stocks
Director
Integrated Coaching Solutions Pty Ltd
M: 0403 843 604