2. How to present confidently even when not feeling at your best
Potential employers are attracted to you when you appear confident, energised, adaptable and resourceful. When they find you easy to relate to and discover your ease in conversation they will begin to trust that you will be a good fit for their organisation.
That is great news when you are feeling at your best but what happens when you are not having a great day or feeling uncomfortable in putting yourself out to there. Maybe you are dealing with yet another ‘not successful” letter.
Here are three key things you can do to present confidently, remain energised with a positive mindset and improve your conversational skills. They will help you be a better networker and be remembered at interview
Finding the Confidence to talk about your talents and strengths
When writing job applications make sure you have captured your talents and strengths in your resume and cover letters. Being able to articulate these selling points is vital when networking and performing at interview.
You need to provide enough relevant and useful info but not too much. Best to leave it out if not especially relevant to the job you are applying for. It will turn off the reader’s interest or cause some confusion.
If the info you provide though is too brief though you will not be shortlisted for interview. Hoping the reader will assume that you have what they are looking doesn’t work. A two page cover letter showing not only skills and competencies but how you have applied them to get great achievements is the type of evidence they are looking for.
One professional I worked with had 3 distinct career skillsets and after we discussed why he was continually rejected for roles he should have been well matched for, we discovered he was listing skillsets for all 3 career types in his applications. This left the potential employer scratching their head asking “well which job do you really want”? We focused and targeted his skillsets and applications for specific jobs and he quickly secured a fabulous position which took his career in the direction he most wanted.
The Need for a Positive mindset
One reason we have been such a successful species is that we Humans have excellent ability to pick up on potential danger which kicks in our self-protective responses to keep us safe. The responses include chemical responses that affect our brains, nervous system and physiological responses such as heart rate and breathing. That is fantastic when we are faced by physical danger but unfortunately this same protective mechanism kicks in whenever we feel threatened or fearful. This includes when we are moving out of our comfort zone and preparing to put our self out there for a networking conversation or an interview. We may become anxious and nervous. At this point our hormones start preparing us for fight or flight which unfortunately means we lose the ability to activate the higher-level brain functions in the executive brain, where empathy, judgment, and our more strategic social skills occur.
Yes, these are the functions we need for making great conversation and this is the time we need to be calm and energised to create a good impression. So if we are not at our best we could be missing out on opportunities to connect. What we say and how we say it makes a difference. Even a word can change the whole feel of a conversation.
So to maintain a positive mindset and be at our best we need to be aware of when a threat response is likely to be triggered and what we can do to retain a healthy focus in our interactions. So here are some tips to remain energised and present confidently:
- Remain focused on connecting and building relationship with each person we meet. Conversations are two way so make opportunities for both parties to share and discover more about each other.
- Ask open questions to discover and research more about the other person and how they see the world from their perspective
- Reframe negative self-talk: As we want to be connected to others we need to remain connected internally. So if you start to feel anxious or nervous reframe the thinking. For example the thought that “I am not very interesting to this person they won’t want to talk to me” can be reframed into “I am talented and have some great stories about what I have accomplished and what motivates me to share with this person”.
- Refocus negative thinking: For example preparing for a network meeting refocus from worrying about all the reasons the meeting will not go well to asking yourself questions such as:
- What do I want out of the meeting
- What can I do to connect and build trust with this person
- What is the message I want to get across?
- What do I seek to find out about them?
- Re-direct unhelpful conversations: If a conversation does not go the way you want it to or it is struggling to actually start, there may be some questions that you ask to find other ways to connect. A great way to do this is to ask questions about the other person, their work, their aspirations and fears or even their interests.
Ability to engage others in conversation
Conversational Intelligence is the ability to connect, create relationship and trust and generate intimate conversations that transform lives.
Conversational Intelligence® is a phrase coined by Judith E Glaser, a globally recognised Business Improvement Consultant who has worked with some of the leading companies world-wide. It’s about increasing our awareness of the neurotransmitters that can either shut down conversations or take them to new levels of intimacy and sharing.
So when we are interacting at a networking meeting or attending an interview our conversations need to be engaging, respectful, curious with the ability to influence rather than persuade or manipulate. The desire to connect will eliminate the danger of disengaging the audience by being too forthright in your own opinions. It will also encourage you not to be too passive or withdrawn so that the interview panel lose interest in your responses.
In any conversation remember that building trust and relationship is paramount. So here are some tips to be conversationally savvy:
- Listen to connect with the other person
- Ask questions that you do not know the answer to
- Try and understand the world from their perspective
- Share your information confidently and be ready to respond to further questions
- Be open to the feedback you receive
- Find areas of commonality rather than focusing on areas of disagreement
(Please note that I am a champion of having robust dialogue and even fierce conversations when necessary but in the context of networking and interviewing we are looking to connect to build rapport and this will serve us better than rigorously defending our turf.)
If you are interested in a systematic and thorough guide to approaching the job market have a look at my e-book Navigating the career transition gridlock – A roadmap to success here
If you would like to check out the first chapter of the e-book you can view it here.
In my next article in these series I look at what to say and not say when networking and attending an interview.
Robert Stocks is the Director of Integrated Coaching Solutions and has been delivering Career Coaching and Career Transition Coaching programs to individuals and Employers from all sectors; commercial, Government and NGO organisations over the past 9 years.
He is a “Certified C-IQ Coach” after completing a year-long program with Judith E. Glaser* and her team.
Contact Robert to discuss your job seeking needs.
M: 0403 843 604 E: robert@icoachsolutions
W: www.icoachsolutions.com
*Judith E. Glaser and the CreatingWE ® Institute are the source of the Conversational Intelligence® materials and framework. Judith E. Glaser is a renowned business strategist and sought after author and speaker. The C-IQ framework is changing lives across the globe.