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All great leaders striving for success need to know these four practical insights.

1. Create a strong identity
2. seek connection and feedback
3. let go of what is holding you back (even if it used to be an asset) and
4. become conversationally intelligent

Some leaders who engage me as a coach have great intentions to deliver big results yet are failing to have the impact they desire and the recognition they deserve. Having learnt from globally celebrated Executive Coaches, Marshal Goldsmith and Judith E. Glaser, I work with Leaders to create a clear identify and increase their ability to connect, build trust and ensure others recognise their talents and strengths.

Successful leaders demonstrate:

• Clarity in knowing and expressing who they are
• Excellent conversational intelligence; building trust and relationship even in challenging situations.
• Openness to giving and receiving feedback and exploring solutions with others to co-create new ways forward
• Humility, commitment and courage
• Candid dialogue balanced with care and empathy for others.

Create a strong identity

Having clarity in who you are and what you stand for creates a strong identity and equals having a strong “voice” that is heard. This generates certainty for others and a perception of a talented, high impact leader.

Our identity (or personal brand) is both how we see ourselves and how we desire to be seen by others. It requires on-going conversation and attention. It requires genuine interest in the views of others. Actively seeking valuable feedback and asking “how am I doing from where your sitting” is the key to understanding how we are being perceived.

Ensuring personal clarity around our identity creates a stronger more authentic and influential voice. Yet many people fail to see how their identity may potentially be negatively affecting those around them. In fact they may be unaware of a large gap between how they desire to be seen and how they are actually seen by others. Remaining aware and shifting our intention can ensure that we can be strong in who we are and have the leadership impact that we desire.

Seek connection and feedback

Great leaders want to discover what the world looks like to others around them and they articulately share their own ideas, views and beliefs. Perceptions are critical as we all see the world differently.

Knowing how to connect and share with others especially if their views are different to our own is vital for creating opportunities for mutual success. Finding out what is important to another person is critical to ensure our communication remains relevant to the things they value.

Let go of what is holding you back (even if it used to be an asset)

Marshal Goldsmith talks about the reasons why successful leaders fail to be promoted. A key factor is that many successful leaders fail to recognise the things they say and do that may have served them well in getting to where they are now but no longer have a valid purpose and in fact may become barriers to their continued success. Without feedback from others they will remain oblivious and wonder why they are being overlooked.

An example here is a Finance Manager I coached who prided himself in being very upfront and definite in decision-making and standing up strongly for what he thought was best for the business. He did not realise that his staff had a perception he was dictatorial, unapproachable and too confrontational and they were too afraid to tell him. Once he did receive this feedback he did not like the way he was being perceived and he changed his intention and behaviours. He committed to being more inclusive and open to hearing others views and opinions instead of unilaterally telling everyone what was going to happen.

He actively took steps to be less confrontational and more inclusive in involving others when he perceived a problem was brewing. It took time, commitment to the process and some humility to change many people’s perceptions yet he began to enjoy better relationships and he felt more supported in difficult situations.

How open we are to other’s perceptions will determine how open we are to receiving feedback. Judith E. Glaser knows many people have a default belief that feedback will be critical and painful to hear. She says that with such a view we generally withdraw into protective behaviours and are not open to hearing and we miss out on what the other person has to offer. This is one of the reasons traditional performance appraisal meetings often go so badly and can result in a deteriorating relationship.

Become conversationally intelligent

So if we are seeking to receive candid feedback from others we need to change this “bad news“ mindset and create a space that builds trust and a move away from protective behaviours towards open sharing and discovery. In order to grow in ourselves we need to take some risks and try new things to demonstrate trust and partnership with the key people around us.

To build these deeper relationships we need to be able to:

• Create a warm environment that feels safe for others
• We need to be interested in their views and open to how they see the world
• Be able to share our views and beliefs with clarity yet remain free of judgement and criticism in hearing the perspectives of others
• Understand how we can build rapport and what we may be doing that creates distrust and fear in others

These are a few of the principles of Conversational Intelligence, a framework developed by Judith E. Glaser which helps us to share and discover with others and create more transformative conversations that can change our lives. It provides an insight into the neuroscience of conversations.

Some key tips from Conversational intelligence (C-IQ) for understanding how others see you and helping them to understand you better include:

• Remember we all see the world differently – don’t assume you understand someone else’s perspective – check it out with smart questions such as “what does that look like from where you sit?”
• Listen, to connect with the other person
• Acknowledge areas where you agree
• Don’t automatically argue, criticise or justify your position where you don’t agree
• Keep asking questions to maintain dialogue, rather than focusing on areas of disagreement which ultimately leads to protective behaviours and shuts down the connection.

A word on self-promotion….

It is important to be ready to express your achievements to others with clarity and humility – reflecting from time-to-time on achievements that you are proud of – and keeping a written record can be really useful. This positive and proactive approach will put you in a mindset to take opportunities as they arise to share and connect with others. It will be a great asset when you find a promotional opportunity and need to update your resume, write an application and prepare for the interview.

Having better conversations and deeper relationships helps us to engage, take action and deliver what we intend with an impact that will be recognised by others.

Being articulate helps others to recognise what you have to offer and your openness in conversation will engender connection and intimacy. Yes, we do need to advocate on our own behalf – but with stronger relationships with others who recognise your talent, you will have stronger advocates for you, even when you are not present.

If you want to find out more about improving your conversational intelligence register for a free 45 minute webinar “Turn Intention into high Leadership Impact – Better relationships and results for you and your team”

When: Thursday 9 March, 2017 at 4.00pm Australian Central Daylight Time. 

You will discover:

• The impact of neurochemistry on your conversations
• Why you may not be saying what you think you are saying
• Strategies to build trust when talking to others
• The vital components of a transformative conversation
• How increasing your C-IQ turns your intention into high leadership impact.

You will take away one of the C-IQ tools that you can start using immediately to turn a challenging conversation into a vital conversation. To register for the session click here

Interested but cannot attend the session email robert@icoachsolutions.com and we will let you know when the webinar is being held again.

Robert Stocks is a “Certified C-IQ Coach” having completed a year-long program with Judith E. Glaser* and her team.

Robert has been Consulting, Training and Coaching with C-IQ expertise and working with leaders in organisations such as The Australian Broadcasting Corporation.

*Judith E. Glaser and the CreatingWE ® Institute are the source of the Conversational Intelligence® materials and framework. Judith E. Glaser is a renowned business strategist and sought after author and speaker. The C-IQ framework is being recognised globally as a leading business transformation approach.

More information is available about Conversational Intelligence at www.icoachsolutions.com

Robert Stocks

Director

Integrated Coaching Solutions Pty Ltd

robert@icoachsolutions.com

M: 0403 843 604

How many times have you been told that it takes months or even years to see real culture shift. Conversational Intelligence is a framework that uses training and coaching to create a culture shift away from self-protective behaviours towards partnering and collaborative behaviours. The benefits can be seen over night as people become less I-centric and move to a more WE-centric mindset. When people have a voice and feel listened to they become more engaged.

An Executive friend who had inherited a disengaged workforce recently shared with me a key frustration. He invited people in his team to come and talk to him about their concerns over the past organisational restructure yet people had become so disillusioned by recent changes that not one person came to see him privately or spoke up openly at their team meetings.  He could not understand why they did not appear to trust him despite his openness and concern.

Sometimes the situation and the environment make people feel unsafe to share their ideas and perspectives. Despite our best intentions we may inadvertently say and do things that contribute to the situation or even make others feel uneasy or undervalued. This can lead to a culture of confusion and uncertainty and results in a lack of trust.

The key to rebuilding trust is to be aware of our strengths and weaknesses in our interactions with others. Looking honestly at your own mindset is vital. Have you already made up your mind on a topic? How interested are you really in the experiences and position of others on that issue? If we genuinely want to connect we need to be asking questions to find out about what we don’t know about the other person including what are they actually thinking and how they see the world from their perspective. This is especially important when people are disengaged. It is important to understand the reasons they are resisting our connection or why they have become sceptical about a new initiate.

Yes this takes time but is a critical investment in the wellbeing of your team and your business. Once people know we are genuinely interested in listening to them we can make room for real and open conversations. Judith E Glaser* says “everything happens through conversations”.

In my friend’s situation maybe there was something he was not aware of in his interactions or his behaviours which resulted in others not trusting his attempts to connect. Perhaps he was just an unknown quantity to a group that had learnt that it did not pay to trust strangers.

What was needed was a space for real two way conversations where ideas and problems could be shared and explored and where people knew it was safe to speak their mind even if it was not what the business wanted to hear. Facilitated conversations between managers and teams are sometimes required to openly explore the individual issues and previous experiences that lead to resistance, scepticism and disengagement.

Trust needs to be earned. It will only appear when leaders are open to hearing the perspectives of each team member without judgement and criticism. It requires openness and the real desire to share more than information. People are smart and well positioned to contribute and want the opportunity to share their beliefs and ideas for improvement.

Our modern times require for new flexible and engaging approaches that enlist willing participation, optimise and galvanise resources, inspire individuals and draw out strengths of the people in being able to work together.

The Conversation Intelligence (C-IQ) framework is a simple yet powerful conversational framework with accompanying practical tools to inspire groups to co-create new ways of working that build trust and deepen relationships.

Supported by advances in behavioural, cognitive and neurological sciences, the C-IQ framework is built on the belief that along with survival instincts, human beings have Vital Instincts for growth which unleash our natural inclination to engage, grow, develop and thrive. It moves people away from resistance and scepticism to become experimenters and co-creators.

The benefits of developing Conversational Intelligence flow throughout the organisation immediately. A shift to a more engaging culture can be seen from the outset. You don’t have to wait years or even months to see the difference. People become more engaged, connected, collaborative, creative and productive. The tools provided are practical and can be applied straight away. In many businesses this speed equals productivity as less time is lost dealing with conflicts and miscommunication. As trust builds people are inspired to work more closely; anticipating problems and expressing themselves with care and candour. They begin to participate more, articulating where there are differences in beliefs and perceptions without inadvertently causing threat responses in others.

A recent coaching client involved in a strongly adversarial Enterprise Bargaining negotiation reported he felt increased confidence and calm after the first C-IQ coaching session. He found that the C-IQ coaching helped him to trust his own skills and insights and to value and honour the needs and perspectives of the other parties. He found that C-IQ was a logical evidenced based model for considering and engaging in the whole process.

If you want to find out more about improving your conversational intelligence register for a free 45 minute webinar “Turn Intention into high Leadership Impact – Better relationships and results for you and your team”

When: Thursday 9 March, 2017 at 4.00pm Australian Central Daylight Time. 

You will discover:

• The impact of neurochemistry on your conversations
• Why you may not be saying what you think you are saying
• Strategies to build trust when talking to others
• The vital components of a transformative conversation
• How increasing your C-IQ turns your intention into high leadership impact.

You will take away one of the C-IQ tools that you can start using immediately to turn a challenging conversation into a vital conversation. To register for the session click here

Interested but cannot attend the session email robert@icoachsolutions.com and we will let you know when the webinar is being held again.

Robert Stocks is a “Certified C-IQ Coach” having completed a year-long program with Judith E. Glaser* and her team.

Robert has been Consulting, Training and Coaching with C-IQ expertise and working with leaders in organisations such as The Australian Broadcasting Corporation.

*Judith E. Glaser and the CreatingWE ® Institute are the source of the Conversational Intelligence® materials and framework. Judith E. Glaser is a renowned business strategist and sought after author and speaker. The C-IQ framework is being recognised globally as a leading business transformation approach.

More information is available about Conversational Intelligence at www.icoachsolutions.com

Robert Stocks

Director

Integrated Coaching Solutions Pty Ltd

robert@icoachsolutions.com

M: 0403 843 604

So you are at work and a passing comment from a colleague triggers a reaction in you that keeps distracting you for the rest of the day. You don’t like it. You feel put down and confused. As the day goes on you feel stuck and you are not sure why the comment is eating away at you. After all, you are bigger than this…so what is going on and what can you do about it?

One problem when addressing perceived conflict, especially interpersonal conflict, is that trust has already been broken and often we have acquired resistance to fixing the problem.

I recently had a disappointing situation with a colleague that left me feeling de-energised and devalued. At one level I did not want to talk to him about it but realised that we would need to continue working together and that I needed to clear the air.

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